May 24, 2008

More on Ignoring

Ignoring in the context of the previous question about submission is not intended to be the kind of ignoring as you would a precocious child, or shunning.

In the original statement is the phrase "her desires unimportant - being ignored", meaning her desires being ignored, not her. Actively ignored, knowing exactly what she wants, at that moment, more than anything else, and withholding it. Some times there are incidences that are a response to bad or shady behavior, which she employs specifically to draw a reaction. Perhaps she is being sassy to provoke discipline, punishment, or a spanking. Active ignoring might well respond to that desire for a spanking with a much less palpable activity, such as prolonged corner time. But this is not the kind of ignoring that raised the initial question.

I think the way I posted the question was unclear. There's a stated question in the text, but that's not really the question that was asked. The question was more about needs being ignored overall, rather than about incidences involving purposeful ignoring. A submissive being told she is an object, her desires unimportant versus the intense attention and care that many dominants clearly give.

As she says in the question, she is, ". . . drawn to D/s by the quality of attention described. Punishments or pleasure given with care, responses noted" and notes that clearly the dominant knowing what she wants, and is giving it to her, but perhaps on his own terms, and in his own fashion? But so often she reads in the blogs the dominant saying, "what you want doesn't matter, your needs don't matter," but it's a thing that's said to have an effect, in some ways true, but also not at all.

This is the disconnect that appears to create the confusion, and hence the question.

Perhaps the clarification is embodied in, "The needs of my Master are more important than my own, because I trust my Master to meet and care for my needs, that leaves me free to focus on his needs."


  1. David,
    I did not comment on this thread previously. I, like Vestri, crave attention. But delving into the topic of the submissive's needs versus His needs is another story for me. I have been turning this over in my mind lately, I have touched on it in the last post on my blog.

    I want this to be about Him, I want His needs to take precedent. However, if that is my desire, my need to put Him first, it is really fulfilling my need. Quite a conundrum. I can only conclude that our needs are dependent on eachother. After all, that is what the power exchange is all about, an exchange. And within that exchange everyone's needs somehow get met. Otherwise, why would we do this thing.

    I am not sure if this is the dynamic everyone experiences, but this is how it works for us.

  2. Thank you for your comment. I went and read your post and I think you describe the conundrum of the complex relationship of the power exchange very well. Summarized very nicely in the first paragraph and examplified well in the remainder of the post.

    I have taken the liberty of posting the link here for other readers, thank you.