Marie had noticed men who looked at her "that way", who recognized the way she responds to their gaze, transfixed. These are not just horny men looking at a pretty girl; they knew something about her she barely knew herself, they were those men.
She had come to recognize her submissive nature, but still was conflicted at times because that feeling and desire in her is so vastly different from how she acts in her day to day life.
We talked for a long time about her feelings, and the unsettled feeling she had about what had happened, not that she was traumatized by being forced but how the sex of it had felt, and how she felt about the sex. She talked about wanting to have those feelings again, how she wanted to please men, to feel them in her like that. But she didn't know anyone she could have that kind of a relationship with, and how it was so outside of her “real life”.
However, there were men, there was Brad who operates a custom upholstery shop, Tony who runs the T-Shirt shop, and the man at the gas station/snack shop - - all of them were men she noticed looking at her “that way”. After a time, I suggested that if she wanted to pursue this that Brad seemed the best choice from everything she had said about them.
She developed a sexual submissive relationship with Brad over the next several months. She would stop and spend an hour or two with him, once or twice a week, and he led her deeper and deeper into her submission. One of her favorite things was being leaned over the back of a low couch, and having her wrists attached to restraints positioned down between the back cushion and seat. In this position she could barely move, was nearly impossible to see behind herself and was totally vulnerable. At first he blindfolded her, but eventually simply forbid her to look back, to keep her face buried between the cushions.
One day we were discussing her feelings about all of this and she commented on how erotic it was, amazed at his staying power, being able to engage her 4 and 5 and 6 times - - I expressed skepticism. She swore it was in fact what was happening. I began to ask more probing questions and suggested to her that it would be an amazing, if not super, man who could perform that way. To make a long story short, the next time she was there, she forced herself to look back and it was not Brad, but Tony. This was a total violation of her trust. She freed herself and left. She stopped in and spoke to him a couple times, expressing her outrage, but that was it. Bravo for her – clearly a violation of the trust and nature of their relationship.
Over the next year, she had fleeting relationships with others, young men closer to her own age, but they did not treat her the way she had become accustomed to with Brad. After long periods of consternation and discussions, she told me she was going to start seeing Brad again. She went and had a long discussion with him about how he has violated her trust in the past. They started up again and she enjoyed the time she spent with him. He is the only dominant man she has been able to establish that connection with.
Lately she had been talking about what happened with the two of them having her. She talked about how she missed that feeling and how she wanted it again. She decided that if she knew, in advance, and agreed to what was happening it would be okay.
She had come to recognize her submissive nature, but still was conflicted at times because that feeling and desire in her is so vastly different from how she acts in her day to day life.
We talked for a long time about her feelings, and the unsettled feeling she had about what had happened, not that she was traumatized by being forced but how the sex of it had felt, and how she felt about the sex. She talked about wanting to have those feelings again, how she wanted to please men, to feel them in her like that. But she didn't know anyone she could have that kind of a relationship with, and how it was so outside of her “real life”.
However, there were men, there was Brad who operates a custom upholstery shop, Tony who runs the T-Shirt shop, and the man at the gas station/snack shop - - all of them were men she noticed looking at her “that way”. After a time, I suggested that if she wanted to pursue this that Brad seemed the best choice from everything she had said about them.
She developed a sexual submissive relationship with Brad over the next several months. She would stop and spend an hour or two with him, once or twice a week, and he led her deeper and deeper into her submission. One of her favorite things was being leaned over the back of a low couch, and having her wrists attached to restraints positioned down between the back cushion and seat. In this position she could barely move, was nearly impossible to see behind herself and was totally vulnerable. At first he blindfolded her, but eventually simply forbid her to look back, to keep her face buried between the cushions.
One day we were discussing her feelings about all of this and she commented on how erotic it was, amazed at his staying power, being able to engage her 4 and 5 and 6 times - - I expressed skepticism. She swore it was in fact what was happening. I began to ask more probing questions and suggested to her that it would be an amazing, if not super, man who could perform that way. To make a long story short, the next time she was there, she forced herself to look back and it was not Brad, but Tony. This was a total violation of her trust. She freed herself and left. She stopped in and spoke to him a couple times, expressing her outrage, but that was it. Bravo for her – clearly a violation of the trust and nature of their relationship.
Over the next year, she had fleeting relationships with others, young men closer to her own age, but they did not treat her the way she had become accustomed to with Brad. After long periods of consternation and discussions, she told me she was going to start seeing Brad again. She went and had a long discussion with him about how he has violated her trust in the past. They started up again and she enjoyed the time she spent with him. He is the only dominant man she has been able to establish that connection with.
Lately she had been talking about what happened with the two of them having her. She talked about how she missed that feeling and how she wanted it again. She decided that if she knew, in advance, and agreed to what was happening it would be okay.
Last week, she did again. She said, "But it is really a little scary, how it makes me feel." I didn't understand and asked what she meant? She said, "I just really like how it makes me feel. Not just how it feels, but how i feel letting them. Just being there to let them, because it feels so good. But it does scare me that I like how I feel. You don’t hear how my friends talk about other girls they think are sluts, but I am a total slut."
the eternal conundrum, reconciling that you want to be an upstanding & respectable member of society, but also want to release the inner slut - the one that wants to serve, be used, taken, in dozens of different ways and situations.
ReplyDeletebeing a submissive allows me the freedom, acceptance, and approval to be both. =)
hugs, elle
It has taken me a long time and much encouragement from Him to embrace and accept my inner slut. My submission has allowed me to explore many facets of myself, that I previously rejected.
ReplyDeleteThank you David, your posts always seem to provoke much thought and discussion.
Thank you both, and yes alice, I think there is very often a very large gap between recognizing (with some dismay) that inner slutiness and finally embracing the inner slut.
ReplyDeleteI am glad the posts provoke thought and discussion, it is part of my intention, thank you.
The word slut is one we're conditioned to be frightened of. It suggests a total lack of limits but is applied to all women whose limits are beyond the norm. That fear of being branded a slut is supposed to keep us in line.... And it does, often.
ReplyDeletei think it's not just a question of being a "slut", whose bad connotation comes from the idea that a woman can't be into sex for the pure enjoyment of it - but a man is expected to be like that. it's also a question of being used for a man's pleasure, objectified - and resonating with that. it's only relatively recently that i've been able to connect with that desire for objectification, and i've come to find it has a powerful effect on my mind and other parts.
ReplyDeletethe image of marie positioned over that couch, nothing more than a hole to be penetrated, is extremely compelling. and arousing...
I never dreamed I would let anyone call me such a foul name. Now I often sign my emails to "R" with Your loving Slut. I am proud of it and I embrace it. David thank you for your wonderful post and I will be back to read. Thank you ever so much for adding me to your reading list!!!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Rose