April 24, 2008

Looking for a Daddy

I was "interviewed" the other day, excerpts follow:

Hello, I am Joy, age 23 and I love tall men, may I ask your name please?My name is David, joy, how are you?
I am well thank you David, may I ask your age? Are you interested in daddy/daughter relationships?
I am 61, and yes, I might be.
Great so am I. So tell me what you are seeking?Not seeking anything specifically, but it would be a girl who needs the attention, discipline and guidance of an adult male in her life, one who understands the importance of compliance, willingness and discipline.
Perfect, I feel I need someone who will watch over me, keep me in line, and make me accountable for myself and my actions. I’d want him to give me rules, chores and a curfew and enforce them.
Very good joy, it is what a young girl often needs in her life.
It is what I need for sure.Do you live with your family still?
No, my mom was a teen mom who never grew up and I never knew my dad.
What about your husband, or boy friend?
I am not married, and I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, because he was cheating on me. Do you work? Or are you retired?I work, semi retired technical systems support for casino management services, I am a former data processing manager. And what about you joy?
I am a cashier at two different jobs one full time, one part time.
Then you are a busy girl, which is good, obviously you are responsible. So, you want more discipline and structure in your life. Did you have discipline and now it is gone, or you are discovering this need now?
No. I never had it.You sound like a girl who would benefit from the attention and structure, I would get to know more about you, have you tell me that long story, learn your habits, routine, special needs and would set up rules for you, daily structure.
How would I be disciplined? I think I would need reinforcing discipline on a regular basis.Through loss of privileges, special tasks, special behaviors, spankings, physical discipline, etc. My age does not concern you?
Not at all, I want a father figure you’d be perfect.
Okay, you are a young girl and I want to me sure. If I were to take control of you it would entail all facets of your life, you understand that? What and how you eat, generally, schedules, chores, manner of dress, dating, how you spend your time, not micromanaged but structured.
No problem.
To start with I want you to write me sort of an essay, take me through your week, day by day, and tell me what you do, what you do you want to stop and generally give me a picture of your life/routine. Now, if you work at noon, you need to get ready.
Ok, take care great chatting with you Daddy! May I call you that?

Being online frequently, I have a fair number of conversations with a posers, players, role players, cyber prowlers and general goofballs. Most conversations last maybe 15 minutes, which seems to be their attention span. But I am surprised by the number of young women, like this one, seemingly serious, who are seeking and craving "adult supervision" and dominance.


  1. David ~

    Hi. We have not met, but I've enjoyed reading your blog & I keep up w/your new posts thru bloglines.com...
    I haven't felt compelled to comment until now.

    I'm happy to see you've met someone new, but something about this interchange struck me in an odd way.

    You end your post with "I have a fair number of conversations with a posers, players, role players, cyber prowlers and general goofballs...." which leads one to believe that you can quickly spot them.

    I hope my next questions do not offend you, as they're not intended to... I'm curious to better understand your dominant male POV, is all...

    1) If you can spot players, etc., can you not also spot naive, desperate young ladies who are waaaay too quick to call you Daddy w/o first getting to know if you are the Daddy for her???

    2) Are you usually as quick to allow yourself to be called Daddy?
    ("Ok, take care great chatting with you Daddy! May I call you that?"

    What seems to be a interview, to better understand the dynamics of you as a Dom, personally, quickly & unceremoniously turns into a Daddy/little girl agreement???
    After _weeks_ of talking w/someone online & getting to know our compatability, did I approach him with "Would you like to be my Daddy?", and even then I felt out of line, wondering if I should have waited for him to ask me to be his little girl.
    We've now known each other 9 months, and are *still* developing & learning nuances of our relationship...

    I may be out of line, but what I saw when I read this post is a very young 23 y.o. who needs & is looking for a father, not a daddy.... and those are 2 very different things.
    Just my opinion, but she was entirely too quick to call you Daddy.

    Hope to hear your thoughts -- I will check back here soon.


  2. dearest David,

    i also found the last line where joy wants to refer to you as Daddy right out of the box disturbing also. it could be my age/jaded nature but if feels as if there is something 'off' about her interview.

    hugs, elle

  3. My dear David,

    I am so glad that you posted this! I am still learning about myself and my submission, and as you may remember from our earlier conversation, I do get the impression that at least one of the people I'm talking to is not a real Dom, but rather just a poser as you call it. I guess it is still difficult for me to distinguish, although I have had the experience of feeling the dominance right away.

    How do you spot the posers from the real thing, especially online? I know it is hard in person, I can imagine what it must be like in cyberspace...


  4. Hello ~L, thank you for writing and decloaking, it is always nice to get feedback from a reader, as I often do from both elle and kitten.

    I will start right off and clarify that I do not feel I have met someone new. You and elle are both right, there is something about this interchange that is odd and "off".

    There was a great deal more to the conversation that probably would have revealed more, but I choice the excerpts for the posting to generalize what is a fairly common kind of conversation with young women, like this one, who seem to be seeking and craving "adult supervision" and dominance.

    I believe that I can spot phoneys pretty quickly, and after an hour or so of conversation I was fairly sure that joy was not completely on the up and up. That was part of the reason I asked her to write me an essay about herself, and initially she seemed to accept the assignment. I have had subsequent conversations with her and she is very willing to engage in chat, but not to respond in any substantive way.

    On the subject of titles, there is a big difference in being called Daddy or Sir, and being or accepting any such role. Acceptance of that "title" was granted as casually as it was requested.

    It is I who chose the word "interview" and purposefully used the quotes. While I am willing to grant the possibility that she might want to "better understand the dynamics of (me) as a Dom" I remain very skeptical, and assure you there is no quick or unceremonious Daddy/little girl agreement. As you say, there should be a great deal more conversation, revelation, and understanding before any such agreement was struck or even offered. I would certanly require that we know each other for months. I am inclined to agree with you that she may well need and be looking for a father figure, and was entirely too quick to call me Daddy.

    As to kitten's question about how to spot them, I think if they pass an initial silliness phase, you just need to talk and see what you can learn about them. People who are posers or players are very reluctant to reveal consistent, honest facts about themselves and prefer to dabble in playfulness or bravado. If someone is not willing to open up, it is usually because there is no substance to the persona being presented to you.

  5. Thank-you for your response, David.... and for the clarifications. =)

    I think part of Joy's "problem" might merely be chalked up to Youth... she's dabbling, searching, and discovering.... nothing wrong with those things. She just needs a lil "teaching" along the way, I guess. And I have no doubt that you can spot the players... but fyi: not only posers are reluctant to open themselves up, especially online where eye contact and vocal intonation can not be seen or heard. A girl can never be too careful, y'know? ;)

    Actually, I think you may have touched on part of what prompted me to decloak -- the subject of titles.
    I realize there is a difference in being called a title, and actually being or accepting that role (and maybe this is fodder for a diff post, cuz it wasn't your point of this post), but perhaps we have a difference of opinion when it comes to actually using titles with another. Maybe my views on the use of titles are too strigent and a lil askew? I don't know, but when I saw her call you Daddy, to me it implied her Daddy (and I bet it did to her, too)... and that is a privilege granted after time, not casually. Maybe it wouldn't have struck me so deeply if your response hadn't been 'yes'. *shrug*
    To me, using the terms Daddy or Master implies a direct relationship with that person, where an agreement has been made between two. The same as I would not call another "husband", unless I was married to him. "Sir", however, does not imply direct 'ownership' (at least not to me, it doesn't). I may use that term out of respect, when speaking to a Dom who is not *my* Dom, if he prefers it over his given name, but other titles require _more_ before they are granted, off the cuff. I don't know, maybe I'm just weird like that. lol

    But, I don't want to get mired in other topics & overlook the whole point of your post -- "a fairly common kind of conversation with young women, like this one, who seem to be seeking and craving "adult supervision" and dominance."
    I would add to that and say there is a large group of women (not just the v. young) who need guidance, discipline, attention, dominance, and more -- some not fully self-aware of it, some aware of it but only beginning to investigate the D/s lifestyle, others who are aware of it in themselves AND aware/investigating the lifestyle, and others who are actually experienced (on varying levels) in the D/s realm ---
    I would venture on to say that you have common conversations like the one you posted about because you are a Dom (and foremost present yourself as one in IM-land w/your username), and those 2 things in and of themselves act like a "magnet", per se, which will draw submissive women, like Joy and others.
    In other words, I wouldn't necessarily see a vanilla gal or a Domme pinging you in IM as often.
    But, to get back to your point, yesss, there are MANY women seeking 'adult supervision' and craving dominance.... and the _reasons_ for that (the "why" behind it all) are probably as many & vast as there are women discovering their submissive natures.
    Was the "why" the point of your post?
    A topic for future conversation, perhaps?

    Thanks again for your response -- I wasn't sure if you were the type of blogger to respond to commenters, here in your comment box, or not. I'm glad to see that you are. =)


  6. Hello again ~L,

    I am inclined to agree with you about joy, and I certainly see nothing problematic about "dabbling, searching, and discovering", in fact that was the point of my post originally. And if she wishes, I am it happens, to provide a little "teaching" along the way. I certainly agree with you that girls/young women are justified in being reluctant to open themselves up, no one can ever be too careful.

    Perhaps we will agree to disagree on the matter of titles, although I understand your position on that subject and think there is great honor in being respectful and proper. On the other hand, I have never been one to require the use of titles, even from committed partners, although I think it contributes to state of mind when they are used. And that may be part of the reason I am okay with some liberal thinking in that regard, if it makes someone, like joy, feel more connected, then she can call me Daddy if she wishes. However, I do not find your point of view weird at all.

    I agree, it is not unusual to have common conversations like the one I posted, because I am a dominant and present myself as such, and it does act like a magnet as you say, by design. And, I agree that the “why” behind it all is as many & vast as there are women discovering their submissive natures. I do not think the intent of the post was the "why", as much as it was to simply talk about it, recognize the fact, and illicit comment and opinion from readers, perhaps to acknowledge and validate that interest and quest. As I and my readers have discussed in previous posts/comments, submissiveness seems to be deeply routed in early development for many young woman, and it's blossoming and exploration can spring from many stimuli.

    Finally, I am indeed the type of blogger to respond to comments; it is for me the nature of this blogging beast. I am very interested in stimulating thought and discussion on exactly these kinds of matters. I think it helps people understand where they are and how they got there.


  7. within the broader concept of a D/s relationship there are so many different interpretations, roles, types of interactions - some of it i like, some of it i can relate to, some i will never involve myself in.

    but i know what i love most of all and that is to be a little girl.(and for the right reasons :)

    i am thrilled to have found your blog today. i mean really thrilled.

    x pandora sx

  8. Well...are you a new daddy?! She sounds so eager. I'll be curious to read how this unfolds! :)

  9. David,
    I think that many of these young women are craving dominance, but I am sure many are just exploring and dabbling. "Playing" at submissiveness and truly submitting are two different things, though I am sure I don't have to tell you that.

    Also, thank you for the link to my blog. I enjoy reading your posts and hearing your perspective.

  10. Sorry naughty girl, not a new daddy yet, but yes, she does sound eager. I just put up another post that describes how it unfolded.

    Hello Alice,

    I think you are right, but not sure if Joy is or isn't, or does or doesn't; but finally decided that I was not the right Daddy for her needs.