December 15, 2007

Discovering submissiveness

I came across Marie in a chat room. As we talked she told me she recently had a sexual encounter with a man that troubled her; partially because it was uninvited but much more so because of how she reacted and how she felt, both at the time and her desires ever since. She went on to explain.

About 4 months before, she had been camping with family friends, and had gotten up to go to pee just before getting into her sleeping bag for the night. It was a public campground and so had permanent, plumbed bathrooms. When she came out of the stall, there was a man there. He told her to go stand facing the wall and to put her hands against the wall. He then proceeded to reach up under her t-shirt and fondled her breasts and nipples while he took himself out and slowly stroked. She looked over to see what he was doing and he told her to keep looking straight ahead at the wall. After some time, he moved his hand down across her tummy and then slid it into the waist band of her shorts, and inside her panties and proceeded to finger her. She said she was embarrassed by how wet she got, standing there with a stranger's hand in her panties, not moving in any way to object, breathing heavier and heavier.

He then told her to get down on her knees and lean forward over the end of the bench. He knelt down behind her, and pulled down short/panties, and remarked repeatedly how wet she was, as he entered her from behind. After a while he came in her, got up and left. As he was leaving he told her to stay there over the bench until he was gone. After he left she reached down and fingered herself to an orgasm, still there bending over the bench. She then cleaned her self up, got her clothes all back in place, and went back and got into her sleeping bag, and went to sleep.

During that entire time no one came in, she never thought to cry out, she never protested, and said the main thought in her mind was that she hoped no one would come in and see what she was letting him do. A complete stranger, an older man, having his way with her in a campground bathroom, in the middle of the night; fondling her breasts and nipples, fingering her, taking her from behind.

That first chat room "meeting" with Marie was just over two years ago, and we have continued to talk regularly ever since. We have spent a lot of time discussing that rape, and how it led to or fostered her feelings of submissiveness, or if there was really any connection between the two at all. Sometimes we talk a couple times a day, and there are times when we do not talk for weeks. But, I am always there for her, and she always seeks my counsel about changes in her life.

She was very confused by her behavior during that whole event, and by her feelings toward men afterwards. She had noticed men who looked at her "that way", dominant men who recognize that look about her, the way she responds to their gaze, transfixed. These are not just horny men looking at a pretty girl; it is like they know what kind of girl she is. She had noticed them some before that camping trip, and was noticing them much more now, in the few months after. She has come to recognize and enjoy her submissive nature, but still is conflicted at times because that slut in her is so vastly different from how she acts in her day to day life.

Does the recognition of submissiveness come from early stirrings, or meeting a dominant man and a relationship is formed that is mutually agreeable, or someone courts you and draws you out? Or, does submission sometimes flash upon you in the face out of some kind of adversity? How did you come to recognize your submissive nature?


  1. Well i have known i was a bottom from early childhood and will reveal that story in a posting later this year. But being a wise woman with no desire to be a doormat i didn't actively engage in submissive activities until i had the security to do so.

  2. What a completely erotic story!

    How divinely half asleep your friend must have been to allow herself that freedom, unquestioning, unthinking, in the moment.......lovely. I would like to achieve that; I am still working on it....maybe that's the answer, to be half asleep...(smile).

    I have always, somewhere inside me, known of my submissiveness. There were fantasies of being raped, taken, used.....since I was a teenager. Those feelings are bad, ofcourse, and so I buried them away deeply until just recently.

    On the internet I came across a posting. A woman was posing a question to a Dominant male on the site about D/s. I was fascinated by this and felt all tingly inside. I ended up posing a few of my own questions to this Dominant male and he became my first Dominant "friend". That was 11 months ago and so I have just started out on my journey and am quite enjoying my travels!

  3. Interesting that you both recognized your yearnings early on, but did not permit yourself to openly explore them until much later.

    Did the feeling or desire influence or affect your sexuality or interactions with partners over time? Or did you effectively suppress them entirely?

  4. I managed to pretty much suppress my feelings entirely until just recently; it causes me much sadness as it seems, in some ways, a waste of many years. It is not as though I have been unhappy all these years mind you, and yet, when I think on it, somewhere deep inside I have always felt "unwhole", like a part of me had been severed.....and "that" is sad.

  5. My first lover was 4 years older than me, he taught me how to please him, would carefully instruct me how to kiss him the way he liked to be kissed, very calmly and lovingly...along with sexual acts, he told me exactly what to do to please him. I never suffered the anxiety in that relationship that I suffered in later relationships when trying to figure out "how to" get things right in the bedroom.

    One day I just figured it out.

  6. Hello steph,

    Things are always so much easier, and better when you have someone to guide and direct you, show you what they want. How is it that those early lessons did not translate forward and reduce or eliminate that anxiety later in life?

  7. I stumbled on D/s by accident last year on the internet. It gave a name to my nature which I believe I've had since birth. My first recollection of submission was at five when two boys asked me to lay down with my pants down under a blanket. I did willingly and with great anticipation. They had to go in for lunch and didn't return. I was very dissapointed and for years longed for that excitement, which I believe now was sexual (even at that aga).

    I married a man who controlled me in the bedroom, albeit with little kink. I don't think I could have or would have chosen differently.

    Now that the marriage has ended, I believe I won't choose another unless he has some authority over me.

  8. Is this phenomenon of men noticing a submissive woman accurate? I definitely want to hear more, because this has happened to me all my life! It happened just the other night, leaving a restaurant. I've been patted on the rear by one chiropractor and another chiro propositioned to go away for the weekend with a girl we both knew, while his wife was out of town! When I was younger, I was so intimidated by men like that, I would never go back. Now I'm complimented by their "looks" toward me. But I couldn't ever figure it out, because although I'm attractive, I never was the one who got all the guys chasing after her. So somewhere on a low-grade frequency I put out the vibe of being a sub and only get the Doms attention?! Life is getting quite...curious! Sincerely, His_babydoll