August 30, 2010

Close Enough

In the main, a man is happy to have a beautiful, and talented, and lovely woman for a partner, one who compliments him, accentuates him, makes him happy. He wants to be comfortable in the relationship and so does not make any real demands, does not want anything, he thinks she is just fine as she is. And she may be, but maybe she wants to be more, wants to grow and expand, and certainly he is happy to support her in her growth, if that is what she wants, gladly.

But on the whole, men accept their partners nearly as they are, and feel happy/lucky to have them and grateful that their personalities overlap so well and accept that, as is, for the most part. He doesn't want anything more from her, for her, of her. He certainly doesn't want her to think that he thinks she needs to change. He thinks she is just fine as she is. Having found that partner, someone who is enough, just as they are, he has no real thought or intent that he might improve her or help her improve, although he certainly would likely be supportive.

And then there are some men, men who have what? Some kind of arrogance? Certain kinds of men who want to help and mold their partner. Delve into her wishes, and wants, and desires, dig down and find out what she needs, and find ways to bring those urges and impulses to the surface. To nurture them, to work with her, work on her, actively help her strive toward that ideal, to work on making her the perfect something special. To blend in his own desires, and intentions, and direction; his vision of her as well. He wants to challenge, and coach, and question, and push, all these things to help her grow, and become even more. And he knows she might resist from time to time, but will come to rely on that push and guidance, that encourages her.

I read this recently:
. . . what is wonderful about being a submissive is that the right dominant man can teach you so much about yourself. As a submissive, your place is not just to serve, but to grow; to flourish in his attentive and intelligent care.

Yin yang are complementary opposites within a greater whole. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, although yin or yang elements may manifest more strongly in different objects or at different times. Yin yang constantly interacts, never existing in absolute stasis.


  1. My Husband loves me and accepts me for who I am, and I am far from perfect. If we try to work on self improvement type issues his heart just isn't in it because he doesn't really want to change me. This give me great comfort to be accepted no matter what.

    It is good to have it balanced out though and have the opportunity to work with someone who see's more in you than you see in yourself. That keeps you growing as a person and is a lovely feeling as well.

  2. Women are cautioned not to try to change her partner. Conventional wisdom is that will lead to resentment and feeling insulted. I never considered that would have been instilled in men as well. Objectively, one can see the potential for abuse going down the road you describe. What is refining, honing, challenging to grow and where does the real person get lost or destroyed? On the other hand, it does seem that done well, it could be amazing for both people.

  3. David: Thank you for the link and this lovely post.

    The dominant's attention in this way can be such a lovely mindset for the submissive affecting vrrtually ever component of her day - from choosing him a special new tea, to dressing as would please him, to making him very happy in every way. I think some of my very best days have been spent in just this way.

    I do feel that I flourish in the attentive care of a dominant and I would have to say, my growth has been noteworthy and very much appreciated; definitely yin and yang.

  4. thoughful post, David. And i agree pretty much with the quote. Maybe all the growth isn't always noteworthy, but rather, notable to myself. I can see where i was before, and where i have risen to...and if i'm really looking carefully inward, i can sense what He sees in me.


  5. "Delve into her wishes, and wants, and desires, dig down and find out what she needs, and find ways to bring those desires to the surface."

    That's rich! Thanks.

  6. oh my goodness...
    I am a slave. My 'guy' is my Owner and he does not particularly look to nurture my needs and desires. He does give me what I need so I can give him what he wants. If he wants to change me, he does so, whether I'm on board or not. If not, I quickly get on board. He sees to it.