June 11, 2009


What is it about being a dominant that satisfies and fulfills?

If it was a six word meme, my answers would be; closeness, affection, trust, respect, pride, appreciation

The relationship between a dominant and a submissive is first and foremost, simply, a relationship between two people. It has all of those feelings of affection, friendship, closeness, loving and caring, in both directions, as does any other relationship. Creating a safe space for a submissive girl to be herself, recognizing the depths of a girls feelings, you will likely bring out sadness, fear, embarrassment, humiliation, and shame, all of these feelings that are often hidden away and considered negative, you open up a huge vulnerability. But, when you acknowledge those feelings, make it okay to have those feelings, it is liberating. Creating a safe place to explore how they can fit in her life, to let her know that it really is absolutely OK to be needy and lonely and afraid, and to have the light of that realization and it's comfort shine back on you, how can you not get something out of that?

There is an affection that is returned that can have an overwhelming intensity and depth. I receive a great deal of satisfaction from being able to make a positive contribution in someones life. I relish the respect and appreciation that I am given in return for the guidance, direction and support. Here I am, a man who has recognized a girl's special needs/desires and not only do I not think she is crazy, I nurture and feed those new feelings, making her feel all the more special. This only magnifies her affection and passion for him.

I think it is that connection to the core of submissiveness within her and there is a greater appreciation and affection returned, there is a feeling of power at having unleashed those intense inner feelings within her, recognizing their acceptability, and having that glow directed back onto me. It is overwhelming in intensity at times; breathtaking, awe-inspiring and humbling all at the same time.

Providing the structure and control - routines that address positive changes, and routines that provide reinforcement and connection throughout her day, to know that I am there in her life, in her daily activities and that I am an ongoing influence, available, active, present and caring. An overwhelming gratitude spills back onto me for having unlocked and found, or notice and nurtured, those feelings she has never been allowed to expose and cultivate, and there is a joy to seeing the warm glow in her eyes, to hear it in her words and to feel it in her touch.

I recognize, sometimes just in flashes, the depth and wealth of what I have given to her, and what I get back from it are feelings of thankfulness, of affection, of joy and pleasure, of admiration, of loving and caring, that makes my heart float. Frankly, there are times that the glow back is overwhelming, frightening, and magnificent. Then, I stop and recognize that I have opened up something very special in her. And, I recognize that I am different, that I do evoke an emotional, psychological and even physical response in her that few ever have, and from her feedback, I am pleased, touched, and humbled.

That's what's in it for me.


  1. beautiful post, david. i'm really glad you wrote this.

  2. tell me david, do you think most dominants worry about the repercussions of those emotins? Frankly, it seems to be so many D/s or M/s relationships start off with the best of intentions but quickly fall to the wayside in the harsh glare of reality (god, do I sound cynical?)

    but yes, the profoundity of a good connection is "to the soul" affecting and as such, I think needs a gentle hand and a rapt understanding.

    I also believe as you wisely point out here that the depth is repicrocal .. and affects not just the submissive but can have a profound effect on the dominant as well.

    beaituflly expressed.

  3. Selkie I know I do so that is two of us and I am certain there are more.

    Nicely put David I think far too many people see what we do as a one way street or a straight line rather than the circle or reciprocal relationship it actually is.

  4. David

    It warms my soul to read of such warmth in your soul; the enrichment of your life through the connection with your submissive.

    I think that is the goal; what we should all, dominant and submissive, be striving for.

  5. David,
    How perfectly you have described this from both sides. I have always felt that I receive much more from him by the way of acceptance and security to explore my submission, than I can ever return to him.

  6. Beautifully written and expressed. The giving and taking of it all is the essence I find so difficult to put into words.

    thank you,

  7. David, thank you for writing this. It is something I have often wondered about actually, and as Alice mentioned, it seems sort of baffling, what the other side is feeling.. wondering what they could possibly get out of the experience. And, as always, beautifully written.

  8. Very insightful, you old softie. x

  9. It's been a while between entries but I'm glad I read this most recent post. Thank you.

  10. I always ask play partners, whether casual and nonsexual or long-term and intimate, "What is it like for you?" I'm fascinated by the variety of responses... everything from "Because it makes my dick hard" to "I feed off the fear in your eyes." Thank you to providing yet another response for my mental file.

  11. Wonderful insight into what you are thinking and feeling.

    But the cynic in me wonders how common this is. Are most like you in this way? Or are as many just in it to for the power and control?

  12. Echoing everyone's sentiments here, my friend. It's been a long time since I've commented, but this really moved me to peek my head in and thank you, once again, for your insight and observations.

    Recently, my best girl friend asked me what it is about the Dominant/submissive relationship that makes it so worthwhile. I was easily able to convey my feelings from a submissive girl's point of view; however, it was not as easy for me to be able to effectively explain the joy of the dynamic from a dominant's perspective. I will direct her to this immediately.

    You are appreciated and never forgotten.



  13. Thank you all for your kind comments. The general question seems to be do I think or know if most Dominants are like this? I think there is a lot of so called dominants who are simply tops, and are in it for the power and control, and I think there are a lot of dominants who fancy themselves tough guys and shouldn't be showing all that emotional stuff, and there are some that are honest and forthright about their feelings.

    Again, like all relationships, you get all kinds of people in it for all manner of motives, and all kinds of behavior. I like to think that the depth, and honesty, and communication in a D/s relationship makes it better, but I think it is impossible to generalize.

  14. It has bought tears to my eyes. This recognition of the special nature of what is given and what is gained. Truly a loving, trusting relationship between dominant and submissive is superlative.

  15. Wow, thank-you for this. I've wondered what makes the opposite side do what they do. You gave me some insight.