July 20, 2008

One Foot in Each World

I discovered this blogosphere realm from a dominants site, I was Googling for some information and found a particularly good blog and it led me to a couple of blogs that attracted my further interest and attention, I read them for a while, and was inspired to begin my own. More and more my reading expanded, and over time I began to recognize a couple of distinctly different styles of blogs. I originally thought of them as the sex blogs and the BDSM blogs, although I don't know that those generalizations are wholly accurate. I guess I will just use the styles set by Love Boudoir to avoid making up my own semantics, Erotica and Kink. What follows are generalizations:

Erotica, featuring straight, vanilla, sometime edgy, but always delicious erotic pleasure..., I think these folks generally refer to themselves as sex bloggers, generally have a very open attitude toward sexual encounters, in fact the majority of their posts are centered on real or imagined/fantasized sexual encounters. Their posts are beautifully written prose or poetry describing the events, their feelings about them, and both their physical and emotional responses during and after those encounters. They are very sexy, very sensual and very erotic. The nature of the relationships ranged from married couples, to lovers, to casual encounters with total strangers, to even phone or Internet chat sex play.

Kink, gratification is just one fetish away, lust dances with a master and his slave, and pleasure stings like a whip..., often as not written by submissives describing their relationships and service with their master, owner(s) or play dominants. Their posts are also beautifully written and appear to be roughly a 50-50 mix of sensual descriptions of "scenes" or encounters, and discussions of the joys or tribulations of their service and submission. The nature of the relationships range from Master/slave couplings, to marriages with kink, to submissives collared to dominants, to dom/sub in long distance relationships.

I don't remember exactly how it was that I found myself in the sex blogger realm, most likely I followed the profile link of a commenter, and followed a link on their page and then another and then another. Sometimes I forgot to follow the bread crumbs back and lost my way. Slowly I got to widening my range of sites further and further, and went off on tangents that took me to a number of (what I would call) bizarre fetish blogs, like diapers, and baby bottles and other less than mainstream interests. Most often I followed the bread crumb trails back from there.

But also, the more I read some of the erotic/sex blogs I discovered some very strong submissive themes to the exploits being discussed. Some, who probably started out just exploring their sexuality, happened across some kink along the way and recognized a submissive interest, or a submissiveness within themselves that had been dormant or simply unobserved. There seems to be an undercurrent of sex bloggers who have a tendency toward bottoming, but still to a larger audience of partners.

Interestingly though, I do not find the same degree of cross over from the submissive blogs, no corresponding interest in exploring a variety of partners through a variety of sexual encounters. There are a number of slave/subs who find pleasure in being shared, or are positioned by their dominant or master where their sexuality is displayed or available to others. However, there does seem to be a greater tendency toward fidelity/commitment to one partner.

For the past couple weeks I have been paying particular attention to the blog rolls when I visit someone's page and find there is usually a pretty fair mix of links offered for others to explore. There does seem to be the 80-20 rule in effect though. I suppose that is as expected, although the other 20% of the links offers a surprising insight into their other interests, the amount of cross over seems to be growing, or is it just that my perception has changed?

I can certainly understand why a dominant/submissive would enjoy reading the blogs of sexually promiscuous/adventurous women with submissive tendencies, and vice verse. And why sexually adventurous women would enjoy the intensity of some of the kink they read on those others blogs. As a dominant I certainly enjoy reading the blog of a sexually adventurous women with submissive tendencies.

If you have gotten this far, and don't want to make any comment, I would appreciate it if you would take a minute to answer the poll over in the right side bar - if for no other reason than to assuage my curiosity about the kind of people that pass by. Thank you.

And thank you for taking part in my poll:

Total Votes 24
Erotica 2 (8%)
Kink 8 (34%)
Erotically Kinky 11 (47%)
Dominant 0 (0%) I didn't vote
Just Visiting 3 (13%)


  1. I admit, I am pretty fully in that erotica camp. I definitely feel some submissive tendencies, but I think I am fairly moderate most of the time. I can fantasize about submitting to a man who I will call Master for a time, but also sometimes fantasize (although not quite as often) about just pushing that same "Master" down, tying him up, and torturing him sexually as best I can.

    I guess it all depends on a person's definition of kink...I no longer consider D/S very kinky, because I think it is more commonplace (in some form) than most people think. But I do admire those who can make it a lifestyle. I am not one of them, but I think there is an amazing level of committment that goes along with living that everyday.

  2. Came by to take your poll, but my blog is not listed in your choices, as I do not succinctly fit into any of those categories...


  3. i wonder if you read about less submissives who pursue multiple partners because of the level of trust that is required to get deep inside an experience of emotional submission. i've enjoyed the feeling of being passed around on my owners' whims a bit, but those other encounters, while enjoyable, couldn't have near the same level of satisfaction because it didn't have the immense history and understanding that has developed between us over time. it would be impossible to get that in a casual encounter-- not to the same level anyway.

  4. Rae I would agree that you are pretty fully in the erotica camp, although you have been know to dabble across the line, bad girl.

    ~L - You can pick more than one if you need to make a combo? I am sorry to have missed a choice, what would that be?

    persephone - meg, I agree completely with you about the level of trust that is required for a deep emotional submission.
    But I believe it might be possible to have a very deep emotion submission/connection and reaction, given that trust, on a semi-casual basis.

  5. i hate labels but if i had to venture a guess for my own, i'd say erotically kinky.

    i don't think it should be of much surprise that people would gravitate towards those of same ilk. however, in my case i look more for the dominant blogs. i know what my mindset is. i want to understand theirs.

    hugs, elle

  6. For me my blog is just about fun, a way of expressing slightly naughty behaviour that brings me joy. Not kinky, possibly erotic.

  7. Hi!

    I answered as "erotically kinky" on the basis that I talk about my sexual experiences, fantasies and the reality of my kink relationships. But yes, my sexual encounters are more limited to my husband.

    Regarding the split, I think my blogroll actually reflects not my tastes, but my relationships. If I went down it and checked, I would say that I either know (have met in a face-to-face context, or have had significant online contact with) 75% of the bloggers I read. A few more are friends of friends that I have not had the opportunity meet yet, but likely will.

    The other 25% are for my own edification, education or amusement, and do represent a mix. I found your blog via Fetlife (where I lurk but don't frequently speak), for example. :)


  8. According to the poll, there was only one erotica vote and I suppose that is me. Though judging from the comments I'm not the only "erotica" reader.

    While I'm not D/s or in that kind of a relationship, I always enjoy reading here and other places about that lifestyle. As with other things in life, one can't know how one feels about things unless they approach it with an open mind. It is nice to read here of things from a Doms perspective and there are several Subs linked in my blog roll. I enjoy them all.

    And hopefully maybe they in turn enjoy my blog too.

  9. I don't really think I fall into either camp, personally.

    My writing encompasses nearly everything that is important to me, i.e., what I'm thinking about. It delves into my desires and my kinks from time to time, but more often covers my emotional soul than focusing entirely on my sexuality. But at the same time, I don't want to say "just visiting," because.. well, I'm not. ;)

  10. elle having read your blog, I would have to agree, erotically kinky. curious about the dominant mindset?

    doll Not too kinky, definitely erotic

    sparkle "erotically kinky mommy housewife writer correspondent", busy girl - I am glad you made it over from Fetlife.

    Naughty Girl defintely erotica, by my reads, but a bit kinky I have noticed

    ariel you ae welcome here even if you are not visiting, or kinky, or erotic, I promise not to tell

  11. if I could vote twice, then it would work .. becuase I have two blogs (and I bet I'm not the only one) - one is an erotica blog - my stories, most of which admitadly have a kinky edge but I also have my "thoughts" blog which can stray into erotica (and often does, because my relationship is inextricably entwined with erotic meaning) but also simply includes thoughts on a variety of subjects, rants and sometimes offers a place to blow of steam.

  12. selkie - yes, unfortunately I believe Blogger keeps track by IP address. However, as I said to ~L earlier, you can select more than one, so you could select erotica and erotically kinky, and you can go back and modify your vote. Thanks for participating.

  13. I've published many stories in bdsm mags over the years about different experiences I've had so I would have to say I lean toward the kink. Master encouraged me to start a blog so I would have an outlet for some of my experiences and stories. In my blog searches for people with similar tastes I stumbled upon yours. Glad I did.